[rant] Blind trust/attachment isn't healthy. If your family is functional and happy, then of course you should always help family and you know they'll help you in return on something else. But there are people that are basically morally/physically abused by family, and somehow accept it because of social expectations. This is not ok. It puts the burden of keeping a family together to fit social ideals on the very people that are the most broken by those ideals. Same goes for abusive relationships in couples. A tightly knit group of friends is much more healthy than a dysfunctional family. Trust me, I'm a family guy. [/rant] ps: I had a wonderful childhood, but I've been aware of bad ones.
no but family is family and i find it hard to turn them down, however nothing is for free anymore, you want me to fix your shitty laptop again? no problem but your doing something for me
Just because someone is related to you, doesn't make you obliged to help them. Especially if they're either A) Unthankful B) Unhelpful when you need them. A line must be drawn somewhere, and I don't mean to come off as 'cold hearted' or a 'prick' but some just abuse their privileges. I know all this because once my father passed away everyone in the family was like "call if you need something". Our lawn was overgrown for months on end. Family would come over and be like "oh gee, long grass! Why haven't you cut it?" I'd mention my mower is broken and can't exactly afford a new one right now. "Have you tried calling a trades person to do it?" Instead of offer to help and do it for nothing like how I've repaired their computers a handful of times, fixed their phones and so on for nothing. Basically told my mother once I get into a bit of money I'll buy a mower, but right now unemployed I can only just pay my bills now.
I help all relatives when they need my help. Except for some spoiled little cousins. They can go gry to to their mummy. Lol. Do they really bug you that much that you have to draw a line? I don't get asked for help all that often, but when I do I usually help.
Whenever I receive help from people (and I am not paying for it), I always treat it like receiving a gift. It's free help on someone elses dime, so regardless of what happens you were owed exactly nothing. By that same token, if I decide to offer help to someone, I treat it like giving a gift. That is, I have absolutely no expectation of getting anything in return. If the person being helped is never grateful, or never reciprocates when I need help, I simply reconsider before I give them any more 'gifts' of my time. I rarely have any regrets following this method. But then again, most of my family and friends are like-minded so it's usually a big 'open source' like group of sharing and contributing to each other. Edit: I pretty much do the same thing on forums too. If you help people out, give nice deals or breaks to people you meet, you'll usually make more friends and get kindness repaid. It's awesome because everyone benefits. When someone needs something, you throw in a free 'something' to make their day a little easier, and when your in a jam someone goes 'I got a spare I don't need. Your welcome to it!'. Wish more people were like that.
How often doesn't matter, if it's unthankful then why waste your time? Considering how much my father helped them, they didn't even stay the whole funeral. So yes, a line can be drawn.
My friend Timbo in a nutshell. That is one miserable fucker and I have done ALL sorts of things for him. Given him relationship advice, Job Advice, gave him shit, Took him to conventions.........No thanks ever. Even after everything I've done to help him he STILL doesn't have that high of an opinion of me (or anyone for that matter)
I've seen plenty of families do horrible stuff towards each other with ungratefulness sprinkled all over the place. A bad person is a bad person. A bad person in your family does not negate their horribleness, that just makes them a bad person you share blood with. I'm not saying never ever help them out, but it's unhealthy to have family bring you down on a consistent basis.
My point is that if they treat you badly, you don't owe anyone just because they're family. Of course I'm not talking about unexciting Christmas present and petty stuff, but more along Hex's situation. This has never been my situation, but I've seen people take on themselves too much figurative-and-not-so-much punches in the name of family to believe that "because it's family" is an argument. It's easy to forget that some people have horrible relatives when you have good ones.
I used to run my own computer store. You would not believe how many "friends" I had back then. I wonder where they all went after I got disabled and had to close my shop. I guess I didnt have so many friends after all.. But I refuse to become anal dick just because some bad apples. I got to be able to sleep at night too. My old boss at my first job used to tell customers when he helped them for free, "Ill get my reward in heaven" I try not to let people take advantage of me, but some times it just feels good to help people.. and some times it feels good to make them pay out of their nose
I understand Hex's point here - it was the same with my wife when her dad passed away... he was always there for his family (his parents and brother/sister), but when he got sick they offered very little help, and after he passed away they completely (and immediately) turned their backs on my wife and her mother, on the moment when they needed the most support, so there you have it, family is not always "family".
If they take your geeknerd knowledge for granted doesn't mean they're treating you badly. It just means they're used to you being able to help them out, you've always been doing it and they're used to it.
Some people won't truly value something or some service unless a hard cash number or other sacrifice is involved. In fact, I think some attach a higher perceived quality to something simply because they had to pay a lot for it and a lower one if it was received for free.
That is so true.. If youre cheap/free your work is no good. It reminds me of my brothers girlfriend. She told me if she ever got married, she MUST have a wedding dress that cost more than what equals like 8000 US$. No mention of the actual dress. Its a good example of how some people think. Some of my customers in my computer store was like that. They had no idea why they wanted that spesific computer or monitor, as long as it was the most expensive they were happy. Of course they also wanted a discount.
So, how many times have you had your mother threaten to kill you? None? Oh, well, good for you, but don't assume everyone's family is like yours. Some families need to be separated from, both for mental and physical well being.